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Friday, March 2, 2012

Science....It kind of smells bad

Science ain't no CSI.

On CSI the labs are sleek and sexy, the technology is state of that art, and everyone is attractive. While I am indeed attractive, I am afraid I hardly work in an environment as beautiful as myself. As a matter of fact, I would bet there are more organized meth labs in existence than labs in academia.
Hoarders: Science Edition 

If you have a notion that scientists at public universities are probably overpaid and living in the lap of luxury, then clearly you haven't explored the roach poop-filled, mold festering, black lung inducing labs/basements that many of even the most prestigious 'elite class' scientists work in.
No this is not the set for the next Saw 12 movie...this is where scientists work!
Another misconception about science is that you work with fancy doodads that well paid engineers built. Nope, we are too poor to hire them so we are forced to make crude contraptions that ought to make true engineers vomit and cry in fetal positions.
I am almost positive this setup isn't feng shui
Here is a personal example of how crude my own research is. While I do have my worms in a fancy temperature controlled room, they are housed in $2 bins I got from Home Depo, filled with some $4 topsoil I also got from Home Depot. I feed my worms dry baby food I buy from Food Lion. I always get confused stares due to my lack of baby (On an unrelated note, I got really bored and wondered what mango baby food puree would taste like mixed in with plain greek yogurt and it's not half bad for all of you fellow six pack dieters out there).

My worms are the 1% as evident by the plastic storage bin mansions and their indulgent diet of dried baby food
My point is this...the next time congress is debating whether or not to cut science funding, I simply wish to point out that we scientists already live humbly... as evident by the strange smells I am blessed with on a daily basis.

Your favorite poor grad student,

The 'Dirty' Scientist